few things to do before the yr ends

cant believe im awake this early during break, but its good i guess, more t ime to spend :)
so, got any plan for nw yrs eve n nw yr? i got mine..
im going to portland.. yeah portland, welcome me!! lols
me going w sev ppl from church
hardly hang out w em b4, i hope evrythings gna b fine
somehow im always nervous to b around there
my attitude is just so flaw tat im ashamed being around there,  i hav to stay "ja'im" all the time, its tough!! >"<
oh if only i could control my attitude, it'd b nice~~~ :(
anw anw.. the trip is 2mr..
im going to an outlet this afternoon, need to get bday gift for nguyen
goshh hate getting bday gift, dunno wat to get = =
also, im going there w/o being invited, is wrong huh?
ohh myy, cant believe im inviting myself, shame on me?! but then im bored n need to get stuffs = =;

-Cindy-

it's fading "again"

as much as i could wish for so-called trust/faith/believe, i'm losing it again
i was about to believe in others, like rlly about to
if only it stayed longer then i'd believe in it
now it's fading, wat can i do?
it faded before, but it came to me, now it's fading again
ahh, i wonder if it truly existed
if it existed, why couldnt it stay?
ppl said "b4 u start to believe/trust in somebody, u gotta believe/trust urself"
ohh mayb its bcoz i cant even believe/trust myself
but how can i when i keep on failing myself?
would u believe/trust in sth that always disappointed u? i wouldnt!!!
mayb i didnt try hard enough, tats true.. i havent tried yet.. i shuld start..
for now, i'm not gna trust nth/nobody
i'm sorry~~~ TT.TT

-Cindy-

life is tough

hell yeah life is tough

if it's not, it'd b boring, yea?

at least tats wat i think

had a long chat this evening

1st time i let it out, the problems that been bothering me

do i feel better? not rlly

its endless, there's no relief, it'll come again eventually

but i realized im not the only troubled girl

n the only loner around

ohh yea.. LONER

it didnt come to me till a friend stated, "i always think of u as a loner"

it is true tho, thinking bout it now

its ok, i like it to b like tat

i hav my own barrier, u can try crossing it, but i cant promise anything ;)

anw, just a piece of mind that i planted in my mind

life is ALWAYS tough, if its not, its no fun, dont u think so? ;)

enjoy it while u can, eventho u hav to be a LONER

sometimes its fun to b a loner :D

-Cindy-

fall 10 is over, wat now?

I'm done w fall '10
do i get good grade? do i? do i?
i gotta wait till the 15th, but somehow i dont giv a damn bout it nomore
i'm just so tired of school
i feel like i understand yet nth went as i expected it to be
but it's over, isnt it?
whether its good or bad, it dont matter
here i am waiting for the grade :(

3 weeks break, wat shuld i do?
yeah will b busy for a week w a friend's visit, but wat beside that?
mayb goofing round seattle, eh? oregon as well, mayb
i better enjoy my break
there wont b no life for me next qtr, 3 classes + 3 labs
yeahh go ahead, just suck my life out of me = =;

let's party hard while we can!!!!! :)

-Cindy-